I like to smoke weed for many reasons.
One reason is that it can make good food taste amazing. THC heightens your senses, so colours are brighter, sounds are louder and flavours are richer.
It can also increase your appetite, leading to famed ‘munchies’. This well-known side-effect of THC consumption can make it nearly impossible to resist highly-processed, hyper-palatable food-like products.
Which is why, in order to avoid huge blood-sugar spikes and dips which will lead to chronic disease, I had to create some healthier options for when the green devil on my shoulder drags me to the kitchen in search of some mouth-joy.
These seven snacks have served me well. Not only are they healthy, they also taste damn delicious and fill you up.
1. Banana protein pancakes
- 3 free range eggs
- 1 medium banana (best if it has a few brown spots)
- 1 Scoop/25g protein powder (I use this grass-fed, hormone-free unflavoured goat/sheep whey powder)
- Sea salt/rock salt
- 2 or 3 squares of dark chocolate (85%+ is best)
- Butter (Ideally grass-fed like Kerrygold)
- Fruit/berries/yogurt (optional)
Makes about two medium/three small pancakes.
1. Combine eggs, banana and protein powder in a blender with a pinch of salt before pouring onto a hot, buttered frying pan.
2. Fry for a few minutes before flipping.
3. Put a square of dark chocolate on top and wait for it to melt.
4. Garnish with fruit, berries, and yoghurt.
These easy pancakes are my number one snack for when I’m high and have food on my mind. Next time you’re stoned, please try it. I Promise you won’t regret it!
2. Sweet-potato fries
- Sweet potatoes
- Olive oil
1. Chop sweet potatoes into chips shape
2. Lay out on oiled oven tray
3. Sprinkle rosemary, salt and pepper
4. Cook in the oven for 25-35 minutes
Home-made chips can be made just as quickly as Deliveroo can deliver, while being healthier, cheaper and tastier!
If you’re feeling fancy, cut the potatoes into wedge shapes and add rosemary before roasting the hell out of them, and voilà… you just made restaurant-worthy potato wedges. People who know you will be impressed.
3. Frozen banana
1. Peel banana and put in freezer
2. Leave for an hour or more.
3. Put banana in bowl and sprinkle cinnamon
4. Eat banana with a spoon like ice cream
Banana ice cream on demand! Kinda’.. Makes for a good, sweet snack though, especially in the summer.
4. Banana protein shake
- Unflavoured whey protein
- Frozen banana
1. Combine ingredients in blender
The frozen banana is back! This time mixed with creamy whey and wet water in a healthy, satiating smoothie. Feel free to add berries or cinnamon or whatever makes you happy.
5. Low carb cookies
- Almond flour
- Erythritol (natural sweetener)
- Tapioca starch
- Baking soda
- Sea salt
I’ve not actually made these myself, I’ve been buying the ready-made cookie mix here. It’s worth it because Go-Low Buttery Cookie Low Carb Mix is the bomb!
Sweet, buttery, soft and crunchy cookies every time. Super easy to make, and you can add dark choc chips as you please.
Another one I buy rather than make myself. Find your local South African shop for the best biltong!
The ultimate replacement for soft-drinks, kombucha can be fruity, fizzy and full of goodness – it contains live microorganisms that help sustain positive levels in your gut.
You can buy it in many shops or attempt to make your own.
Snacks to avoid
Staying disciplined in your food choices is easier when you don’t have bad choices within easy reach. Therefore, keep the following foods out of your house…
Did you know that corn flakes were invented as a way to stop people from masturbating?
That’s right, Mr Kellog thought sex and masterbation were so abominable that everyone should eat a bland diet consisting of cereals, grains and nuts in order to suppress their sex drives.
Because that’s what cereals and grains do. They wreck your health by causing inflammation, affecting your ability to absorb nutrients, and ultimately disrupting your hormones.
They may be convenient and cheap, but they are not good for you and are not part of a human’s natural diet.
Remember this the next time you’re high and crave a bowl of anti-masturbatory morning food.
Potatoes aren’t so bad. But deep fried in vegetable oil, they become a problem.
Vegetable oil and seed oils were traditionally only used as industrial lubricators. They should not be consumed in the amounts most people do.
3. Sugary, processed food-like products
I’m talking Pop Tarts, Oreos, Refresher bars… The stuff that is obviously not real food.
4. Soft drinks
Ditch the fizzy artificial flavour water. Grab a kombucha. Get with the times…
5. Baked goods
Pastries and the like are highly-processed to make them hyper-palatable to your taste buds. They are the heroin of the snack world. Eat them when stoned and you won’t be able to stop.
They also raise your blood sugar levels sharply, which over time can lead to insulin-resistance, obesity and many common diseases, like dying.
The more of this crap you avoid, the longer you go on toking!
Have you got any other ideas for healthy stoner snacks?